I think I knew from the day she was born that my daughter was going to be a strong willed and challenging child. She was born the morning of my 10 year High School reunion that I was really looking forward to going to. It was almost as if she came out screaming "I am going to change your priorities". And when she was an infant, she would not sleep on her own for more than 20 minutes at a time. Looking back, I would have been better off if I had invested in a good sling so I could carry her while she slept and still accomplished things. And when we had to "train" her to sleep in her crib instead of with us (Neither of us was getting much sleep at this point) it took 2 1/2 months until she finally slept through the night. We were consistent and the books all said it would work in a couple of weeks max, but she was a fighter.
So, I have learned over the years that I can get some great ideas from a book- but I am going to have to be creative when disciplining her. And if the "experts" tell you it will take a day or a week, I know it will take my daughter 20X that. I know that someday I am going to be glad she is strong willed. When she grows up and makes good choices. When she grows up and becomes the independent woman I know she is going to be. But right now, there are some days that it is just so difficult.
I have started reading two books in an effort to get some new ideas on how we can discipline her in a way that will actually shape her into a toddler who listens & obeys the adults in her life. My parents have always used love & logic and we have watched a video and it did give us some good tools, but I am always looking for some new tools.
The first book is "Creative Correction" by Lisa Whelchel (Blair from the facts of life). She spoke at a lady's brunch at my church and I am willing to get creative at this point. I have read most of the book so far and I think I will have to go back through it and pull out my favorite ideas so I can begin making them part of our parenting arsenal (Which also includes getting my husband on board). The second book is "The New Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson. I am only a couple of chapters in but I know this book is going to change the way I view my daughter (in a good way).
The funniest part of reading these books so far is hearing the stories and realizing the parts of me that were like that. I have always been a strong willed child, but I think it really came out when I was a teenager. I realize how much I put my parents through and have already started praying over my daughter, hoping that she will not be like me. I want to encourage the positive parts of her personality and hope that we can curve some of the negative behaviors.
So today, I started with a new routine in the evening. We have had a hard time getting her to pick-up her toys. Justin typically tries to force her to clean up a huge mess by herself, which is often a little much for a 3 year old to tackle alone. And I tend to try to do it with her, but find myself doing way more than I anticipated. So now, when we are done with dinner (About an hour before bedtime) we play a "game". I turn off the TV (If it is on), set a timer for 15 minutes and we all start picking up toys. Justin & I are picking up some of the mess to begin with, but will do less and less as she gets better. We encourage her by helping her remember where certain items belong and also remind her of the time that is counting down. Once the timer goes off- the game is over. If all of the toys have been picked up- She gets the privilege of watching a show before bed, and also gets to stay up 5 minutes later. If there are any toys left, she does not get to watch a TV show and will have to go to bed early to be calculated at 1 minute for each toy up to 10 minutes.
She responded well tonight. We are also working on keeping her in her bed at night. She will get a small toy out of our special toy box if she sleeps all night and does not get out of bed/come into our room. So far it has kept her in bed when we are putting her down (which was also a problem), but not the middle of the night. But we will keep offering it until I come up with a better idea.
We are also trying to put a stop to her nose picking problem. So the new rule is, if we catch her picking her nose- we take a toy away and put it up. Every day she starts new and gets her toys back- giving her a fresh start to the day. I think this approach is worth a shot, but we will see how it works. She doesn't seem to really care about anything when it comes to picking her nose- it is almost like it is an addiction.
So, hopefully I will be able to report that these new ideas have been a success. I know we are taking on a lot at one time, but we definitely need to teach her these things. Keep us in prayer, we are going to need it. And when she becomes a teenager, I think I will need all of you to come over and pray extra hard for her. We are in for a fun ride- but I guess a strong willed mother is a good match for a strong willed daughter. Either that or we will have a mighty big fireworks show.
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