The last month or so has been one of the most challenging
times in my life yet, and that is saying something. My husband decided to get help for his
drinking problem, and while I was relieved, it has been scary. We have a long road ahead of us. But when he opened up and announced it on Facebook
for the entire world to see, I was thrown off guard.
And the whole experience has had
me thinking.
As Christians, we have this group of people that we see
almost every week at church. Many of us become friends and may even hang out
from time to time. But how well do we
really know each other? I mean, standard
response when someone asks how you are doing is “I’m OK”. Some of that is because we don’t know that
person too well and assume that they don’t really have time or desire to listen
to what is really going on. And it is
almost like we have to put on this “Christian” mask. Like when we accept Jesus into our lives,
nothing messy is going to happen. That
you are somehow this completely new person who doesn’t make mistakes or have
trials.
And that is absurd.
Jesus will change you but this takes place over time. Things will not be 100% different from the
moment you accept him into your life.
Life doesn’t just become rainbows and smiley faces. In fact, once you finish fine tuning one area
of your life, you may get a little break, but soon enough Jesus will stir up
something new for you to work on. And
everyone will have trials to go through.
People will die, people will hurt you, and you may lose your job or
house or get into a car accident. You
may end up sick or know someone who is sick.
You may get divorced or know someone who is going through one. You will feel things deeply, good things
& bad things. These things are inevitable.
Allowing Jesus to live inside of you and change you from the inside out
is life changing. But becoming a
Christian is more than that. And the
church body as a whole should be allowing Jesus to challenge them and grow
together as a family, but also as parts of the body of Christ.
Having been a Christian since I was a teenager, but still
having gone through some things because of some poor decision making and my sinful
nature- I have always been fairly open.
I don’t lie about my past, and I don’t hide from it either. Every
decision I made, good or bad has shaped the person I am today. But do I share it with everyone I meet in
passing? Nope. I openly fight a chronic pain disease with no
cure, but does everyone I meet know about that?
Nope. And mostly it is because I
don’t want to be seen as someone who dwells on the negative parts of my past,
but it is also because of fear. I am
afraid that person doesn’t really want to know how I really feel. I am afraid that I will lose potential new
friends as a result. I am afraid I will
become the center of a gossip circle or that people will never be able to see
me for who Christ has helped me to be.
And I think most of us struggle with that same fear.
So when my husband posted for all to see, I stopped
breathing for a minute. I had been
hiding things in regards to him for a long time. To be clear, he is an amazing person and
father. He was never violent or
mean. He worked hard to provide for our
family. But he drank too much and every
day. And I didn’t tell many people about
it because, while many people could clearly see some of this, it wasn’t easy to
let people into that part of my life. I
was protecting him, but I was also protecting me from the criticism I was so
scared would come. Making the choice to
get help was extremely brave and at that point our closest friends and family
were in the loop, but I had expected to not be 100% real with the rest of the
world as we went through this process.
But instead, undenounced to me, I found myself feeling emotionally naked
and I didn’t know what to do.
But instead of judgement and criticism, the opposite started
happening. Over 60 people commented on
his original post. And not one negative
thing was said. People offered words of encouragement. Many people shared their story and offered to
walk through this journey alongside of him and our family. People were praying for us. And some people opened up about their own
recent or past struggles. They told him
they were 5 years sober or 15 years sober. He was applauded for his
honesty. And I have watched, over just
the last 2 weeks, as God has provided for our family in some unexpected
ways. I have watched a group of people
(Not all Christians) support our family in some life changing and crazy
ways.
The next weekend I was on worship team. Our team prayed over our family and it was
refreshing to be able to just be honest and have tears in my eyes and know that
it is OK. I had a brief moment of panic
as I stepped onto the stage and realized that I literally put myself into
center stage if you will. Many of those
people out there, knew how broken I felt right then and there was no hiding. But I closed my eyes, and worshiped God with
all of my heart. It set the tone for my
week and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.
Because it is out there and exposed, I have had to field a
lot of the more challenging responses and questions, and I am not sure I was
ready for that. But mostly, I have felt
so much love. And it has led to so many
conversations already and I can see how one small act of complete transparency
is changing people. I am finding that
when you are completely honest and let down your guard, you open yourself up to
some amazing conversations. Because the
person you are speaking with, or the person who read your Facebook post, now
feels like they can trust you enough to be real with you. And it brings me back to the church as a
whole. Isn’t this the place where you
should be able to come and lay your burdens down? (Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all who
are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest”)
Additionally, speaking up and being honest about what you
are going through opens a door. It
allows people to come along side of you and help you. And that is what we should be doing as a
church. I am finding there are a lot of
people that want to help in small ways.
Bringing a meal, getting a gift card, offering to help babysit for you,
offering to meet with you and pray, sending an encouraging card. But if we aren’t being honest with each
other, then we aren’t allowing people the chance for God to move in their
lives. I love serving and giving. It is what makes my heart so happy and I know
it is what God created me to do. But if the church is too afraid of its own
people to be able to be honest- I don’t have as many chances to do these
things.
I don’t expect that things will change overnight; and I
realize there is a time and a place for this kind of honesty, but I challenge
you to take the time to talk with someone you may not know that well. Let’s all try to be a safe place where we
take the time to listen to someone earnestly and to listen to what God is
telling us to do. And then act out of
that Love. Can you imagine how amazing
the Church could be?
