I want to start this off with a funny thing she said last night during bath time. She said "My little boobies are getting bigger." Justin came out and told me about it and we both started laughing (She could not see us of course). I have some interesting conversations ahead of me.
Our neighbor, Betty, is really sick. She is in the hospital, and her daughter told us that she has stage 4 cancer. I am not sure why she is in the hospital and I don't know what is going to happen. Betty has been so special to us. She brought a gift over shortly after Paige was born and always remembers her on her birthday & Christmas. We had no idea she was so sick.
Yesterday afternoon, Paige had heard that she was sick and of course she told Justin that she wanted to make her a get well card (She has big heart). I am not quite sure of the conversation that followed, but I do know what it contained sparked a deep conversation at bedtime. It went a little like this.
Paige: What's wrong with Betty?
Me: She is sick
Paige: Why?
Me: I don't know- she just is
Paige Why?
Me: Well honey, sometimes people just get sick.
Paige: Why? (You can guess I felt the need to try to end this conversation)
Me: Sometimes when people get older, they get sick and go to the hospital
Paige: And sometimes they die? (This stems from the earlier conversation)
Me: Yes, everyone dies eventually.
Paige: Is Betty going to die?
Me: I hope not, why don't we pray for her.
Paige: OK MOm, but why is she sick?
Me: I am sure she just caught a bug (I didn't realize this was not going to end the conversation- only make it longer.
Paige: A bug? What kind of bug? Does it have wings? Does it fly? Does it crawl?
Me: Oh no, it is not a real bug. It is just something people say when they get sick.
Paige: Oh, Chelsie caught a bug and she got better. Is Betty going to get better?
Me: I think the best thing we can do is pray for her. It is time to go to sleep.
I really hope Betty gets better, but even if she does this time- being older with stage 4 cancer means she may not have much time left. And on top of that, Clo-e is really looking bad these days. Paige tried to climb on her (Like she always does) last night and she practically collapsed. Justin thinks we really could be near the end (She is almost 17 years old which is old for a large pit-bull). So, I have the suspicion that we are in for a few more serious conversations about death in the near future. Keep me in your prayers that I choose the words carefully an appropriately for a 3 year old.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Day two-
Last night was a tough one right about the time I was settling in to get some sleep myself. Paige has a cold, so that is not helping. During my 3rd trip into her bedroom (If you know me, you know this is unusual for us. Typically Justin tends to her because we have found that she just wants more of me in the middle of the night- where as she will almost always go back to sleep quickly if he goes in), I found her on the floor (Again). I looked at her little toddler bed and thought she has too many stuffed animals in her bed. No wonder she if falling off. So I moved her mattress to the floor, took all of them off and tucked her in. This worked for all of 15 minutes before she started screaming about how she wanted her mattress back on her bed.
I am also concerned that some of her night waking may be caused by some nightmares/night terrors. She typically is screaming out and seems to be asleep but upset about something. Or maybe falling out of bed scares her. I just hope we figure it out so we can all start sleeping better again.
Today, at dinner we tried a new "game". I had two bowls with 4 m&ms each. One was put in front of my plate and the other was put in front of hers. Every time she displayed good table manners (Waiting until we pray to grab her food, thanking daddy for making dinner, putting her plate in the sink when she was done, saying please, etc) I would put one of my m&ms in her bowl. Every time she displayed bad table manners (Touching me with her dirty hands, saying something that was mean, etc) she had to pay me an m&m. When dinner is over she gets to eat what is left for dessert. I have to say, today was the first day she only touched me one time during dinner! I hope we are making progress.
The living room wasn't as much of a disaster today so we didn't really have to help her during her clean-up "Game". I did have to hold the bag open so she could put the blocks in it. And I did walk her through the toys she needed to pick-up. But she is only 3, so she will get better with time. And her reward tonight was playing HiHo Cherryo with Justin & me. Then we had a little game of freeze dance to burn off any extra energy.
We also started discussing her doing chores in the near future. We talked about what chores she thought she could do. She suggested washing the dishes (Standing on her stool she insisted) but I suggested that putting her plate in the sink when she was done. I plan on making a chart (with pictures). I will put brushing her teeth and hair on the chart, but the only rewards for these will be the stickers. Her chores will be : Helping to make her bed, putting all her dishes in the sink when she is done with them, picking up her toys (All daily), and dusting once a week. She will earn a sticker for every chore she completes without complaining. At the end of a one or two week time period, she will get paid a nickel for every sticker she earned for her chores.
To help teach her about money, we are going to get three jars and decorate them. When she gets her money we will divide it as follows : 10% into the giving/tithing jar, 10% into the savings jar, and the rem 80% into her spending jar. When the saving jar is full, we will open her first savings account with it. The spending jar will come in handy when she wants a toy. She can spend her own money now, and I don't have to be the bad guy that always says no. She will earn a maximum of $.95-$1.10 a week (depending on whether we make Sunday a day of rest) for a maximum of around $50 a year. Not bad for a 3 year old I think.
We may adjust/add more chores as we go along, but I am really excited about this learning opportunity we have. Better to start teaching them now, then wait until they too old to really teach.
I am also concerned that some of her night waking may be caused by some nightmares/night terrors. She typically is screaming out and seems to be asleep but upset about something. Or maybe falling out of bed scares her. I just hope we figure it out so we can all start sleeping better again.
Today, at dinner we tried a new "game". I had two bowls with 4 m&ms each. One was put in front of my plate and the other was put in front of hers. Every time she displayed good table manners (Waiting until we pray to grab her food, thanking daddy for making dinner, putting her plate in the sink when she was done, saying please, etc) I would put one of my m&ms in her bowl. Every time she displayed bad table manners (Touching me with her dirty hands, saying something that was mean, etc) she had to pay me an m&m. When dinner is over she gets to eat what is left for dessert. I have to say, today was the first day she only touched me one time during dinner! I hope we are making progress.
The living room wasn't as much of a disaster today so we didn't really have to help her during her clean-up "Game". I did have to hold the bag open so she could put the blocks in it. And I did walk her through the toys she needed to pick-up. But she is only 3, so she will get better with time. And her reward tonight was playing HiHo Cherryo with Justin & me. Then we had a little game of freeze dance to burn off any extra energy.
We also started discussing her doing chores in the near future. We talked about what chores she thought she could do. She suggested washing the dishes (Standing on her stool she insisted) but I suggested that putting her plate in the sink when she was done. I plan on making a chart (with pictures). I will put brushing her teeth and hair on the chart, but the only rewards for these will be the stickers. Her chores will be : Helping to make her bed, putting all her dishes in the sink when she is done with them, picking up her toys (All daily), and dusting once a week. She will earn a sticker for every chore she completes without complaining. At the end of a one or two week time period, she will get paid a nickel for every sticker she earned for her chores.
To help teach her about money, we are going to get three jars and decorate them. When she gets her money we will divide it as follows : 10% into the giving/tithing jar, 10% into the savings jar, and the rem 80% into her spending jar. When the saving jar is full, we will open her first savings account with it. The spending jar will come in handy when she wants a toy. She can spend her own money now, and I don't have to be the bad guy that always says no. She will earn a maximum of $.95-$1.10 a week (depending on whether we make Sunday a day of rest) for a maximum of around $50 a year. Not bad for a 3 year old I think.
We may adjust/add more chores as we go along, but I am really excited about this learning opportunity we have. Better to start teaching them now, then wait until they too old to really teach.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
My strong willed child
I think I knew from the day she was born that my daughter was going to be a strong willed and challenging child. She was born the morning of my 10 year High School reunion that I was really looking forward to going to. It was almost as if she came out screaming "I am going to change your priorities". And when she was an infant, she would not sleep on her own for more than 20 minutes at a time. Looking back, I would have been better off if I had invested in a good sling so I could carry her while she slept and still accomplished things. And when we had to "train" her to sleep in her crib instead of with us (Neither of us was getting much sleep at this point) it took 2 1/2 months until she finally slept through the night. We were consistent and the books all said it would work in a couple of weeks max, but she was a fighter.
So, I have learned over the years that I can get some great ideas from a book- but I am going to have to be creative when disciplining her. And if the "experts" tell you it will take a day or a week, I know it will take my daughter 20X that. I know that someday I am going to be glad she is strong willed. When she grows up and makes good choices. When she grows up and becomes the independent woman I know she is going to be. But right now, there are some days that it is just so difficult.
I have started reading two books in an effort to get some new ideas on how we can discipline her in a way that will actually shape her into a toddler who listens & obeys the adults in her life. My parents have always used love & logic and we have watched a video and it did give us some good tools, but I am always looking for some new tools.
The first book is "Creative Correction" by Lisa Whelchel (Blair from the facts of life). She spoke at a lady's brunch at my church and I am willing to get creative at this point. I have read most of the book so far and I think I will have to go back through it and pull out my favorite ideas so I can begin making them part of our parenting arsenal (Which also includes getting my husband on board). The second book is "The New Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson. I am only a couple of chapters in but I know this book is going to change the way I view my daughter (in a good way).
The funniest part of reading these books so far is hearing the stories and realizing the parts of me that were like that. I have always been a strong willed child, but I think it really came out when I was a teenager. I realize how much I put my parents through and have already started praying over my daughter, hoping that she will not be like me. I want to encourage the positive parts of her personality and hope that we can curve some of the negative behaviors.
So today, I started with a new routine in the evening. We have had a hard time getting her to pick-up her toys. Justin typically tries to force her to clean up a huge mess by herself, which is often a little much for a 3 year old to tackle alone. And I tend to try to do it with her, but find myself doing way more than I anticipated. So now, when we are done with dinner (About an hour before bedtime) we play a "game". I turn off the TV (If it is on), set a timer for 15 minutes and we all start picking up toys. Justin & I are picking up some of the mess to begin with, but will do less and less as she gets better. We encourage her by helping her remember where certain items belong and also remind her of the time that is counting down. Once the timer goes off- the game is over. If all of the toys have been picked up- She gets the privilege of watching a show before bed, and also gets to stay up 5 minutes later. If there are any toys left, she does not get to watch a TV show and will have to go to bed early to be calculated at 1 minute for each toy up to 10 minutes.
She responded well tonight. We are also working on keeping her in her bed at night. She will get a small toy out of our special toy box if she sleeps all night and does not get out of bed/come into our room. So far it has kept her in bed when we are putting her down (which was also a problem), but not the middle of the night. But we will keep offering it until I come up with a better idea.
We are also trying to put a stop to her nose picking problem. So the new rule is, if we catch her picking her nose- we take a toy away and put it up. Every day she starts new and gets her toys back- giving her a fresh start to the day. I think this approach is worth a shot, but we will see how it works. She doesn't seem to really care about anything when it comes to picking her nose- it is almost like it is an addiction.
So, hopefully I will be able to report that these new ideas have been a success. I know we are taking on a lot at one time, but we definitely need to teach her these things. Keep us in prayer, we are going to need it. And when she becomes a teenager, I think I will need all of you to come over and pray extra hard for her. We are in for a fun ride- but I guess a strong willed mother is a good match for a strong willed daughter. Either that or we will have a mighty big fireworks show.
So, I have learned over the years that I can get some great ideas from a book- but I am going to have to be creative when disciplining her. And if the "experts" tell you it will take a day or a week, I know it will take my daughter 20X that. I know that someday I am going to be glad she is strong willed. When she grows up and makes good choices. When she grows up and becomes the independent woman I know she is going to be. But right now, there are some days that it is just so difficult.
I have started reading two books in an effort to get some new ideas on how we can discipline her in a way that will actually shape her into a toddler who listens & obeys the adults in her life. My parents have always used love & logic and we have watched a video and it did give us some good tools, but I am always looking for some new tools.
The first book is "Creative Correction" by Lisa Whelchel (Blair from the facts of life). She spoke at a lady's brunch at my church and I am willing to get creative at this point. I have read most of the book so far and I think I will have to go back through it and pull out my favorite ideas so I can begin making them part of our parenting arsenal (Which also includes getting my husband on board). The second book is "The New Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson. I am only a couple of chapters in but I know this book is going to change the way I view my daughter (in a good way).
The funniest part of reading these books so far is hearing the stories and realizing the parts of me that were like that. I have always been a strong willed child, but I think it really came out when I was a teenager. I realize how much I put my parents through and have already started praying over my daughter, hoping that she will not be like me. I want to encourage the positive parts of her personality and hope that we can curve some of the negative behaviors.
So today, I started with a new routine in the evening. We have had a hard time getting her to pick-up her toys. Justin typically tries to force her to clean up a huge mess by herself, which is often a little much for a 3 year old to tackle alone. And I tend to try to do it with her, but find myself doing way more than I anticipated. So now, when we are done with dinner (About an hour before bedtime) we play a "game". I turn off the TV (If it is on), set a timer for 15 minutes and we all start picking up toys. Justin & I are picking up some of the mess to begin with, but will do less and less as she gets better. We encourage her by helping her remember where certain items belong and also remind her of the time that is counting down. Once the timer goes off- the game is over. If all of the toys have been picked up- She gets the privilege of watching a show before bed, and also gets to stay up 5 minutes later. If there are any toys left, she does not get to watch a TV show and will have to go to bed early to be calculated at 1 minute for each toy up to 10 minutes.
She responded well tonight. We are also working on keeping her in her bed at night. She will get a small toy out of our special toy box if she sleeps all night and does not get out of bed/come into our room. So far it has kept her in bed when we are putting her down (which was also a problem), but not the middle of the night. But we will keep offering it until I come up with a better idea.
We are also trying to put a stop to her nose picking problem. So the new rule is, if we catch her picking her nose- we take a toy away and put it up. Every day she starts new and gets her toys back- giving her a fresh start to the day. I think this approach is worth a shot, but we will see how it works. She doesn't seem to really care about anything when it comes to picking her nose- it is almost like it is an addiction.
So, hopefully I will be able to report that these new ideas have been a success. I know we are taking on a lot at one time, but we definitely need to teach her these things. Keep us in prayer, we are going to need it. And when she becomes a teenager, I think I will need all of you to come over and pray extra hard for her. We are in for a fun ride- but I guess a strong willed mother is a good match for a strong willed daughter. Either that or we will have a mighty big fireworks show.
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