I will admit it. I am a pessimist. I am a worrier. I have a problem enjoying things because of these things. While most people look forward to tomorrow, I sometimes find myself wondering what could go wrong. I am working on it, but the last couple of years have not been helpful. They have actually fed this habit.
I often find myself comparing myself to everyone around me (I know this is not healthy- TRUST ME). I know people have done this forever, but I have to say that technology has made it way too easy to do. Before, you ran into your friends at parties and were able to compare how well you are doing as a parent/employee/homemaker in person. But now, all you have to do is sign into facebook or twitter and you are flooded by information about how that person's kids crawled/walked/talked/read before your kid. Or how that 6 week old is already sleeping through the night when your 8 month old is still only sleeping in 2-3 hour stretches. Or that high school buddy who makes hundreds of thousands more than you is buying a new car or going on their 4th vacation this year while your car made it to work today-barely.
Being a pessimist, this is something I really struggle with. I never learned how to believe in myself. (Let me set the record straight here- I have amazingly supportive parents who always believed in me and told me so all the time. I just didn't always hear them) I always thought that someone else had it better than me. And I was never happy with the things that I had in my life. Don't get me wrong, my life has not been easy. You could probably join me in my pity party and we could have a good cry about how hard we had it growing up. How I had to go to a new school every 2 years and I don't have a lot of long term close friends because of it. How I have struggled with feeling wanted and accepted because of things that are out of my control.
Control! That is the point that God has really driven home recently. I am not in control, and the more I struggle to be- the more pessimistic I become because the outcomes never turn out the way they should in my head.
So let me tell you what I know about myself now.
I am awesome. I have a full time job that I LOVE. And I am good at it. I learn quickly and I remember almost everything. One of my co-workers nicknamed me "Sponge Brain". Sometimes I get down on myself because as a teenager I lost direction and did not live up to my full potential. If only I had known how smart I am! The things I could have been- But I am right where I need to be.
On top of my full time job, I also handle the books for my husbands contracting company. His work has been on the slower side so it is only a couple of hours a week most weeks, but it can be challenging. If you are a very organized person who is trying to manage the money of a very artistic person- you might understand these challenges!
I am a full time Mom. My daughter is a smart, funny, but often challenging little girl. After a long day at work, it is sometimes hard for me to give her the attention she needs (Especially with some health issues I have been having), but I try my best. This is one area in my life I really struggle with. I see all of the fun activities that my stay at home mom friends do with their kids, or I see the fun things she does with my mom (Who has blessed us tremendously by watching her 3 days a week). And I feel like I am missing out on her life. Worse than that I feel like I have failed at being a Mom because I don't fit into the vision of a "Mom" in my head. But I have accepted that I was build to be a working mom. I look at my friends and am amazed at how they stay sane, and they probably look at me and wonder how I balance it all.
I am a wife. I have known my husband almost longer than any of my other friends. Meeting at camp back in Junior high and becoming friends in High School. We have been Dating for over 10 years and married for 7 1/2 years. I often find myself thinking I am a failure as a wife also (Especially because of those health issues), but God blessed me with a best friend who has been supportive of me.
I am also the budget making/party planning/grocery shopping/coupon crazy person who holds this family together. I keep our families budget tight, and it is hard work to make ends meet, but I am learning that while it is important to plan for the future- It is really important to live for today. Don't get me wrong- I literally budget for spontaneity- but it is important to feel like I am enjoying today instead of worrying about tomorrow.
As you can see, I wear many hats. Some days I don't know which way is up. But God has really shown me what is important in my life recently. So when I come home on Friday night after what feels like an 80 hour work week, and my house looks like a tornado hit it (We will name that tornado Paige), I know it is OK to put the cleaning off one more day to spend time watching a movie or playing with my daughter.
I have one MAIN goal I am setting for myself in 2012. I am going to try to stop looking at what everyone around me has- And start really appreciating everything I have!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Re-Defining Blessings
I grew up with a pre-existing idea of how life was going to go. I knew that in order to succeed in life, you had to work hard. I knew that nothing is just handed to you. I was raised well. So, after I settled into a great job in my early 20s (One that I have now been at for 12 years), and got married- I thought my life was going according to plan. We had put in our time and were able to do everything we wanted! Life was good.
But, even though we are hard working and honest people- life became difficult. Right before our daughter was born 4 years ago, Justin was laid off from his full time and well paying job as a tile setter. We already had our own business on the side, so we decided it was time to take that business full time. And life has never been the same! We love the flexibility, but with the economy tanking so has the money in the bank.
After a few years of struggling to make ends meet, we started 2011 off with a new mindset. It was going to be our year. Life was going to return back to "Normal". Little did we know- God had a lot of lessons in store for us.
Just a couple of weeks into the year, Justin was falsely accused of shoplifting at Home Depot. To make matters worse, we thought he was being accused of stealing materials he had returned on behalf of the homeowner (Who happened to be my boss) to exchange for the additional materials he needed to complete the job. I am not going to go into all of the details because I am trying not to focus on the negative. But I will tell you, I didn't know that something so outrageous could happen to a contractor who provides a lot of business for a company. I had no idea that your rights are non-existent when being detained by a store.
This experience took its toll on my family. On one side, we became a united front with a common enemy. But it was not without it's costs. The stress alone was tremendous. And, of course, there were moments of doubt. We were on our knees a lot over the next few months. We thought the claim was outrageous and once receipts were provided it would all go away. But the DA pressed charges anyways so we hired a fairly expensive lawyer. In May, the charges were dropped due to insufficient evidence. It was the best birthday present I could have asked for.
But it took a while for us to really find the "Blessing" in this situation. We didn't understand why his innocence was never actually proven (He still isn't sure if he can actually go into the local Home Depot so he drives to the stores a few towns over when he absolutely has to go there). We didn't understand how the security guard could actually make up a story that made no sense and get away with it. And we didn't understand why we had no recourse to collect the money we had to pay for the lawyer. To be honest, I am still not sure what God plans on using this for in the future. But I think one of the best things that came out of it, was that Justin really understood that I have his back. I believe in him and know what a kind and honest person he is. And I realized how much I trust in him too (Which is a big step for me. I have some trust issues).
One of the other "Blessings" that had to be re-defined last year was vacations. I don't know why, but I was bit by the travel bug at a young age. We didn't have a lot of money growing up, but I saw a lot of things and I never really felt as if I went without. I lived in 4 states, and even went to England for a wedding when I was 8. I love to travel. And every year we have been on a great vacation or more. We went to Jamaica for our honeymoon. We traveled to Boston a few times and we have even been to Hawaii twice in the last 5 years. But the vacation budget was tighter this year. The only time I even put my feet on a plane was for a work trip to Las Vegas.
Despite having less of a budget and missing a wedding in Boston, we were able to take my frugalness and do some other things. Justin took his nephews, Paige & his Grandma camping to Hume lake where his mom used to take him. We also rented a cabin and took them to Lake Tahoe for 4th of July to spend time with his "Cousins". His cousin Katie was even able to join us from Kansas. We had a mini staycation with all of them and took them to the fair, Santa Cruz, Go-Karting and San Fransisco. And I had a girls weekend with my friends to Hermosa beach. And then we were able to take Paige to Disneyland for her 4th birthday.
Now, these vacations were not as fancy as I dream about, but it was time spent with family. And we were only able to afford a 1 day pass to Disneyland, but she got to meet the princesses and we had a great time getting to know Chelsie's new boyfriend.
I have started watching our budget even closer, and Justin is starting to get work again (Even taking a part time job at Kohls to help). I also got a promotion at work. Add that to all of the great websites that help me find deals to save money and we have had a pretty amazing year. Sure, I could dwell on all of the things that could have gone differently, but that would just make me depressed. It has been a tough year for me physically & emotionally, but we made it through. And I think we have more faith that God is here, right beside us.
God has spoken Jeremiah 29:11 over our lives in 2011 and I have to tell you- I am excited about what 2012 holds! I am not entering it with unrealistic dreams as I did with 2011. But I know that if the plans include spending more time with my family, then I am in- 100%!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
But, even though we are hard working and honest people- life became difficult. Right before our daughter was born 4 years ago, Justin was laid off from his full time and well paying job as a tile setter. We already had our own business on the side, so we decided it was time to take that business full time. And life has never been the same! We love the flexibility, but with the economy tanking so has the money in the bank.
After a few years of struggling to make ends meet, we started 2011 off with a new mindset. It was going to be our year. Life was going to return back to "Normal". Little did we know- God had a lot of lessons in store for us.
Just a couple of weeks into the year, Justin was falsely accused of shoplifting at Home Depot. To make matters worse, we thought he was being accused of stealing materials he had returned on behalf of the homeowner (Who happened to be my boss) to exchange for the additional materials he needed to complete the job. I am not going to go into all of the details because I am trying not to focus on the negative. But I will tell you, I didn't know that something so outrageous could happen to a contractor who provides a lot of business for a company. I had no idea that your rights are non-existent when being detained by a store.
This experience took its toll on my family. On one side, we became a united front with a common enemy. But it was not without it's costs. The stress alone was tremendous. And, of course, there were moments of doubt. We were on our knees a lot over the next few months. We thought the claim was outrageous and once receipts were provided it would all go away. But the DA pressed charges anyways so we hired a fairly expensive lawyer. In May, the charges were dropped due to insufficient evidence. It was the best birthday present I could have asked for.
But it took a while for us to really find the "Blessing" in this situation. We didn't understand why his innocence was never actually proven (He still isn't sure if he can actually go into the local Home Depot so he drives to the stores a few towns over when he absolutely has to go there). We didn't understand how the security guard could actually make up a story that made no sense and get away with it. And we didn't understand why we had no recourse to collect the money we had to pay for the lawyer. To be honest, I am still not sure what God plans on using this for in the future. But I think one of the best things that came out of it, was that Justin really understood that I have his back. I believe in him and know what a kind and honest person he is. And I realized how much I trust in him too (Which is a big step for me. I have some trust issues).
One of the other "Blessings" that had to be re-defined last year was vacations. I don't know why, but I was bit by the travel bug at a young age. We didn't have a lot of money growing up, but I saw a lot of things and I never really felt as if I went without. I lived in 4 states, and even went to England for a wedding when I was 8. I love to travel. And every year we have been on a great vacation or more. We went to Jamaica for our honeymoon. We traveled to Boston a few times and we have even been to Hawaii twice in the last 5 years. But the vacation budget was tighter this year. The only time I even put my feet on a plane was for a work trip to Las Vegas.
Despite having less of a budget and missing a wedding in Boston, we were able to take my frugalness and do some other things. Justin took his nephews, Paige & his Grandma camping to Hume lake where his mom used to take him. We also rented a cabin and took them to Lake Tahoe for 4th of July to spend time with his "Cousins". His cousin Katie was even able to join us from Kansas. We had a mini staycation with all of them and took them to the fair, Santa Cruz, Go-Karting and San Fransisco. And I had a girls weekend with my friends to Hermosa beach. And then we were able to take Paige to Disneyland for her 4th birthday.
Now, these vacations were not as fancy as I dream about, but it was time spent with family. And we were only able to afford a 1 day pass to Disneyland, but she got to meet the princesses and we had a great time getting to know Chelsie's new boyfriend.
I have started watching our budget even closer, and Justin is starting to get work again (Even taking a part time job at Kohls to help). I also got a promotion at work. Add that to all of the great websites that help me find deals to save money and we have had a pretty amazing year. Sure, I could dwell on all of the things that could have gone differently, but that would just make me depressed. It has been a tough year for me physically & emotionally, but we made it through. And I think we have more faith that God is here, right beside us.
God has spoken Jeremiah 29:11 over our lives in 2011 and I have to tell you- I am excited about what 2012 holds! I am not entering it with unrealistic dreams as I did with 2011. But I know that if the plans include spending more time with my family, then I am in- 100%!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Christmas Day 2011
Last year, Santa had brought Paige an electric car and a bike, but she was so disappointed that she did not get this tiny, inexpensive Tinkerbell Lantern. So this year, we were determined to make her dreams come true. She asked for a Light & Glow Rapunzel Doll.
The video is long, but her reaction at the end is adorable! And just the reaction I was hoping for.
We got out of bed around 7am on Christmas morning. I convinced her to crawl into bed with us an watch a show. Of course, Justin got up and started pacing the house so as soon as her show was over, I knew there would be no more delaying of Christmas. She opened her Stocking and presents from Santa first. And then a few gifts from Ohio. We then hung out for a couple of hours before heading over to my parents house.
We showed up at my parents house around 9am. We had some of our traditional Christmas morning food like Breakfast Pizza and I believe it was pumpkin bread. We also had some coffee which was much needed for me that morning. We settled in for hours of gift opening. We did take a couple of breaks.
My mom had a unique theme this year. She did the "Four gifts of Christmas" for each one of us (OK- she actually did 5 since we each get an ornament every year too!). Each person got a gift in each of four categories:
1)Something They Want
2)Something They Need
3)Something to Wear
4)Something to Read.
It was a lot of fun. I am thinking I may have to adapt some of my gifts to that theme next year too. One other unique gift I got this year is from my mom's Aunt Nancy and it was a family tree. So cool.
Paige was spoiled as usual! Some of her favorites were a Pretend fish tank and the ever popular lip gloss/stick! We did have to hide the lip gloss from her. She becomes a bit of an addict with that stuff. We spent the rest of the day relaxing as a family and had some ham and scalloped potatoes to eat. We also had a 3 way video chat with my cousins in Las Vegas and my Aunt/Cousin who were in Hawaii! I love technology.
We got out of bed around 7am on Christmas morning. I convinced her to crawl into bed with us an watch a show. Of course, Justin got up and started pacing the house so as soon as her show was over, I knew there would be no more delaying of Christmas. She opened her Stocking and presents from Santa first. And then a few gifts from Ohio. We then hung out for a couple of hours before heading over to my parents house.
My mom had a unique theme this year. She did the "Four gifts of Christmas" for each one of us (OK- she actually did 5 since we each get an ornament every year too!). Each person got a gift in each of four categories:
1)Something They Want
2)Something They Need
3)Something to Wear
4)Something to Read.
It was a lot of fun. I am thinking I may have to adapt some of my gifts to that theme next year too. One other unique gift I got this year is from my mom's Aunt Nancy and it was a family tree. So cool.
Paige was spoiled as usual! Some of her favorites were a Pretend fish tank and the ever popular lip gloss/stick! We did have to hide the lip gloss from her. She becomes a bit of an addict with that stuff. We spent the rest of the day relaxing as a family and had some ham and scalloped potatoes to eat. We also had a 3 way video chat with my cousins in Las Vegas and my Aunt/Cousin who were in Hawaii! I love technology.
Christmas Eve 2011
The week leading up to Christmas this year had me feeling a tad bit overwhelmed. I was also nervous as to how this year would go with the Huffman's. Justin's oldest brother Stan had been doing well and staying out of trouble earlier this year. For the first time in a long time he had come to Thanksgiving and the whole family was looking forward to having him at Christmas too. He was absent for so many since I came into the family and I know how much everyone missed him. But on Monday he got into some trouble and we were not sure if he would be there or not. And then our nephew Joseph also hit a little road bump and he was not going to be able to make it. All of these things made me sad.
Justin's brother Dan & his wife Michelle have been hosting Christmas Eve at the house Justin grew up at for a few years. It is a good "Central" location where everyone is comfortable. We planned to get together between 11am and 3pm so we could head back to my parents house for our Annual Skype gift exchange with the Pidgeon Family in Boston.
So Justin, Paige & I headed out bright and early. We stopped at Whole Foods when we got into Santa Cruz to pick-up some shrimp for the shrimp coctail. We then stopped by our friends Evan & Danielle's house to drop off their Christmas presents. They were not there yet, so we dropped them off and headed to May Ave a little early.
We unloaded all of the presents (Except Josephs) under the Christmas tree. Paige & Teagan had a great time playing with the empty boxes. Our other two nephews arrived shortly after. Justin sent a couple of Joseph's presents with his mom so he could open them on Christmas (When he was finally home). All of the kids played outside while I set up some of the appetizers I had brought and I hung out with my sister-in-law for a little bit. Grandma showed up a little bit later and then Chrissy showed up with a turkey. Dan & Michelle had also cooked a ham, so we (As usual) had way too much food.
We ate and hung out together. We then all gathered into the living room to open presents. Unfortunately Lucus & Alyssa had to leave around 2pm to go with their Mom to her family's house for Christmas eve. As much as we try to organize the presents, it is always somewhat Chaotic. But it was fun never the less! We all hung out for a little while more before Justin & I loaded up the car and headed back home. We hope to find a way to spend some more time together as a family next year, but sometimes it is just hard to coordinate!
As usual we got some awesome presents including some pickles, green beans and olives from Grandma!
 |
| Teagan in a box |
Justin & Alyssa
Teagan Riding her bike
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| Paige wanted both her & Teagan to wear crowns but Teagen was not that into it! |
My attempt at getting some of the cousins together. Again- Teagan does not really like to cooperate!
Dan & Michelle opening Teagans presents with her.
After Keith missed Christmas last year- I was so happy he was there this year!
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| Justin video taping, Carla Chrissy & Stan |
Paige, of course started posing.
Lucus got a "Cell Phone"- This one was the gag gift.
This was the real one!
Teagan & Paige climbed into the gift boxes and then started using the tops as drums.
Paige was trying to make daddy into a gift!
Lucus opening his new cell phone
We spent a couple of hours at my parents house. We had a great skype call with the Pidgeons. It is sometimes hard to organize but we do love to "see" everyone since we don't really get to see most of them unless we go to Boston for a visit. We then went home to get ready for Santa. That included sprinkling the reindeer food, getting the milk & cookies ready and watching Prep & landing!
Visitors and more!
The week before Christmas was a blur. We were fortunate to have some visitors and unfortunate to have a full week of work. Chelsie & her boyfriend tony came in late on Saturday the 17th. I hear they had quite the adventure when they first arrived. Our parents were at the neighbors' house for a Christmas party. There was some wine drinking so when one of them noticed Chelsie's car they called the house and invited them over. It was a good thing they came over because it turned out that one of the guests had to leave because their son was in an accident (He was OK but needed a ride) and Chelsie & Tony were able to give them a ride since they were not drinking. Way to welcome Tony to the neighborhood!
The next morning we all met at church for the annual Children's musical. I am thinking it will be a little less painful to sit through next year, because my daughter will be in the choir. Things almost always are better when your child is in it! We spent the rest of Sunday hanging out and eating (As we do many Sunday's). It truly is a joy to be able to get to know Tony better. He is becoming part of our family. I love how happy he makes my sister too! My parents left in the afternoon for another Christmas party, but it gave Chelsie, Mikaila & me an opportunity to discuss song options and practice for Christmas. We had hoped to record a song for my dad, but were unable to make it work this year so we wanted to at least do something live for him.
I went to work most of the week during the day and most evenings we headed over to my parents for dinner and to hang out as a family. On Tuesday my Grandma Myers came in from Boston. My best friend, Stephanie also came over for dinner and so I could give her Christmas present too her as well! I love giving presents to people. On Wednesday we did some relaxing at home because the rest of the family went to San Fransisco that day. Thursday we have Tony our gifts to him (And he gave the family an awesome gift! A Boston Red Sox Sandwhich maker! It puts the Red Sox name on the outside of the bread while making grilled cheese or other stuff!). We were not sure if my Grandma would be headed to Las Vegas to visit my cousin & her family in a couple of days, but decided to wait to see if she "Passed" her medical tests on Friday before giving her the presents. Good thing we did since she failed so we got to keep her for another whole week including Christmas.
Unfortunately, Thursday night was the last time I got to see Tony before he headed back home to spend Christmas with his family. He left late on Friday. But I woke up on Friday feeling nauseous and dizzy. Paige got sick before I left to drop her off at my moms. I thought she had just gagged on her toothbrush, but she ended up getting sick again at Pete's coffee with my sister and again a little while later. So we ended up staying home together on Friday and did not get to see Tony again. Apparently, Tony did not feel too well either.
Good news was that we both felt better the next day. The week was really busy and there were a few moments I thought I might breakdown. But I got to spend some quality time with family and all of my Christmas shopping was done!
The next morning we all met at church for the annual Children's musical. I am thinking it will be a little less painful to sit through next year, because my daughter will be in the choir. Things almost always are better when your child is in it! We spent the rest of Sunday hanging out and eating (As we do many Sunday's). It truly is a joy to be able to get to know Tony better. He is becoming part of our family. I love how happy he makes my sister too! My parents left in the afternoon for another Christmas party, but it gave Chelsie, Mikaila & me an opportunity to discuss song options and practice for Christmas. We had hoped to record a song for my dad, but were unable to make it work this year so we wanted to at least do something live for him.
I went to work most of the week during the day and most evenings we headed over to my parents for dinner and to hang out as a family. On Tuesday my Grandma Myers came in from Boston. My best friend, Stephanie also came over for dinner and so I could give her Christmas present too her as well! I love giving presents to people. On Wednesday we did some relaxing at home because the rest of the family went to San Fransisco that day. Thursday we have Tony our gifts to him (And he gave the family an awesome gift! A Boston Red Sox Sandwhich maker! It puts the Red Sox name on the outside of the bread while making grilled cheese or other stuff!). We were not sure if my Grandma would be headed to Las Vegas to visit my cousin & her family in a couple of days, but decided to wait to see if she "Passed" her medical tests on Friday before giving her the presents. Good thing we did since she failed so we got to keep her for another whole week including Christmas.
Unfortunately, Thursday night was the last time I got to see Tony before he headed back home to spend Christmas with his family. He left late on Friday. But I woke up on Friday feeling nauseous and dizzy. Paige got sick before I left to drop her off at my moms. I thought she had just gagged on her toothbrush, but she ended up getting sick again at Pete's coffee with my sister and again a little while later. So we ended up staying home together on Friday and did not get to see Tony again. Apparently, Tony did not feel too well either.
Good news was that we both felt better the next day. The week was really busy and there were a few moments I thought I might breakdown. But I got to spend some quality time with family and all of my Christmas shopping was done!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
The Nutcracker Performance- Candy Canes!
The performance!
Paige had her first Ballet performance today. They did a small version of the nutcracker. Her group was candycanes. They were all 3-5 years of old. THey were adorable. Paige did forget where hse was supposed to go a few times, but they are so cute it did not matter!
The final Bow!
Friday, December 16, 2011
I am a live tree type of girl. There is nothing like picking out a tree, bringing it home and having that feel and smell. That is Christmas to me. But if you recall- we have had a few Christmas's where things just did not work out. Before Paige, we didn't really get a tree. We still spent most Christmas mornings at my parents house (Especially when Mikaila was so little- she still required us to be there at 7am).
The first Christmas with Paige, I can't remember how we got our tree. In fact, since she was born the morning after Thanksgiving- I can't remember a whole lot about that Christmas- Blame it on the lack of sleep. The 2nd Christmas we went out to the mountains and cut down the perfect tree as a family. I had really hoped to make that a family tradition. But then the next year, money was a little tighter and it did not work out. So Justin took me to Home Depot to get an "Affordable" tree. I actually cried. How are you supposed to pick out the right tree when they are all wrapped up?
Last year, once again it was not going to work for all of us to cut down the tree together, but I asked Justin to cut one down while he was dropping the nephews back to their house in the mountain. He came home with 3 Christmas trees- all of them reminding me of a Charlie Brown moment. But he had some good intentions (Saving money), so- even though we could only put about 1/2 of our Christmas ornaments on the tree- I tried to make peace with it.
So this year, I was getting my tree. The Sunday after Thanksgiving we headed to a local lot and picked out a beautiful tree in our budget. I was so excited. We hung ALL of our ornaments. Our house looked & smelled like Christmas
On Tuesday Morning- I was looking for a necklace that Paige had "Borrowed from me". We looked behind the chair in her bedroom where she "hides" when she is doing something she should not. No necklace, but we did find several ornaments. While putting them back on the tree, I realized- despite care from us- our tree was DEAD. With over a week an a half til Christmas, I knew we were going to have to do something about it. So, while at Wal-Mart for something else, I bought a 6 1/2 foot prelit fake Christmas tree.
Overall- I am happy. However, the first thing Paige wanted to know is if it spins like Nana's. So our plan is to use this tree for the next few years- put away the money we would spend on a real tree and then buy a bigger, better tree that spins on Christmas clearance.
This really fits in with the theme of this year for our family "Redefining Blessings!"
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