If I'm Honest.....

The last month or so has been one of the most challenging times in my life yet, and that is saying something.  My husband decided to get help for his drinking problem, and while I was relieved, it has been scary.  We have a long road ahead of us.   But when he opened up and announced it on Facebook for the entire world to see, I was thrown off guard.   And the whole experience has had me thinking.

As Christians, we have this group of people that we see almost every week at church. Many of us become friends and may even hang out from time to time.  But how well do we really know each other?  I mean, standard response when someone asks how you are doing is “I’m OK”.  Some of that is because we don’t know that person too well and assume that they don’t really have time or desire to listen to what is really going on.   And it is almost like we have to put on this “Christian” mask.  Like when we accept Jesus into our lives, nothing messy is going to happen.  That you are somehow this completely new person who doesn’t make mistakes or have trials.

And that is absurd.  Jesus will change you but this takes place over time.  Things will not be 100% different from the moment you accept him into your life.  Life doesn’t just become rainbows and smiley faces.  In fact, once you finish fine tuning one area of your life, you may get a little break, but soon enough Jesus will stir up something new for you to work on.  And everyone will have trials to go through.  People will die, people will hurt you, and you may lose your job or house or get into a car accident.  You may end up sick or know someone who is sick.  You may get divorced or know someone who is going through one.  You will feel things deeply, good things & bad things. These things are inevitable.   Allowing Jesus to live inside of you and change you from the inside out is life changing.   But becoming a Christian is more than that.  And the church body as a whole should be allowing Jesus to challenge them and grow together as a family, but also as parts of the body of Christ.

Having been a Christian since I was a teenager, but still having gone through some things because of some poor decision making and my sinful nature- I have always been fairly open.  I don’t lie about my past, and I don’t hide from it either. Every decision I made, good or bad has shaped the person I am today.  But do I share it with everyone I meet in passing?  Nope.  I openly fight a chronic pain disease with no cure, but does everyone I meet know about that?  Nope.  And mostly it is because I don’t want to be seen as someone who dwells on the negative parts of my past, but it is also because of fear.  I am afraid that person doesn’t really want to know how I really feel.  I am afraid that I will lose potential new friends as a result.  I am afraid I will become the center of a gossip circle or that people will never be able to see me for who Christ has helped me to be.   And I think most of us struggle with that same fear.

So when my husband posted for all to see, I stopped breathing for a minute.  I had been hiding things in regards to him for a long time.  To be clear, he is an amazing person and father.  He was never violent or mean.  He worked hard to provide for our family.  But he drank too much and every day.  And I didn’t tell many people about it because, while many people could clearly see some of this, it wasn’t easy to let people into that part of my life.  I was protecting him, but I was also protecting me from the criticism I was so scared would come.   Making the choice to get help was extremely brave and at that point our closest friends and family were in the loop, but I had expected to not be 100% real with the rest of the world as we went through this process.   But instead, undenounced to me, I found myself feeling emotionally naked and I didn’t know what to do.

But instead of judgement and criticism, the opposite started happening.  Over 60 people commented on his original post.  And not one negative thing was said.  People offered words of encouragement.  Many people shared their story and offered to walk through this journey alongside of him and our family.  People were praying for us.  And some people opened up about their own recent or past struggles.  They told him they were 5 years sober or 15 years sober. He was applauded for his honesty.   And I have watched, over just the last 2 weeks, as God has provided for our family in some unexpected ways.   I have watched a group of people (Not all Christians) support our family in some life changing and crazy ways.  

The next weekend I was on worship team.  Our team prayed over our family and it was refreshing to be able to just be honest and have tears in my eyes and know that it is OK.  I had a brief moment of panic as I stepped onto the stage and realized that I literally put myself into center stage if you will.  Many of those people out there, knew how broken I felt right then and there was no hiding.  But I closed my eyes, and worshiped God with all of my heart.  It set the tone for my week and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Because it is out there and exposed, I have had to field a lot of the more challenging responses and questions, and I am not sure I was ready for that.  But mostly, I have felt so much love.   And it has led to so many conversations already and I can see how one small act of complete transparency is changing people.  I am finding that when you are completely honest and let down your guard, you open yourself up to some amazing conversations.  Because the person you are speaking with, or the person who read your Facebook post, now feels like they can trust you enough to be real with you.  And it brings me back to the church as a whole.  Isn’t this the place where you should be able to come and lay your burdens down?  (Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest”) 

Additionally, speaking up and being honest about what you are going through opens a door.  It allows people to come along side of you and help you.   And that is what we should be doing as a church.  I am finding there are a lot of people that want to help in small ways.  Bringing a meal, getting a gift card, offering to help babysit for you, offering to meet with you and pray, sending an encouraging card.   But if we aren’t being honest with each other, then we aren’t allowing people the chance for God to move in their lives.  I love serving and giving.  It is what makes my heart so happy and I know it is what God created me to do. But if the church is too afraid of its own people to be able to be honest- I don’t have as many chances to do these things.  

I don’t expect that things will change overnight; and I realize there is a time and a place for this kind of honesty, but I challenge you to take the time to talk with someone you may not know that well.  Let’s all try to be a safe place where we take the time to listen to someone earnestly and to listen to what God is telling us to do.  And then act out of that Love.  Can you imagine how amazing the Church could be?